SWOTVAC Routine: studying for a marketing exam
This article was written by Rachel Baillie as a submission for the 2018 SAMMPress Writing Competition
7:00am: Wake up, go for a 7km run, shower, make a kale smoothie, read some poetry. No. I’m absolutely kidding. Here’s the real thing:
7:00am: I’m asleep. Best part of my day.
9:00am: Alarm wakes me up. Day is officially ruined.
9:30am: Scroll through every social media possible. Even LinkedIn. Even MySpace, then remember that doesn’t exist anymore. Go to the mirror. Wonder why my hair looks like that. Wonder why my face looks like that. Curse my parents for giving me poor genetics.
10:00am: Make breakfast. This will either be a feast of fruit, cereal and yoghurt. Or perhaps nothing. Google ‘why am I sometimes hungry in the morning and sometimes not’ and read up on scientific articles on metabolism when there’s an exam soon.
11:00am: Food is eaten, teeth are brushed, self is slightly more presentable. Decide that 11am is not too early, but early enough that you can tell friends ‘I spent all morning working’. Open laptop. Open textbook.
11:01am: Regret doing Commerce. Regret going to uni. Regret not uploading those videos of you singing Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong With Me’ to YouTube when you could have been talent scouted and signed to a record deal.
11:05am: Ok, study begins. Look at notes from lectures. Go over Week 5’s lecture which has something to do with…brands? Maybe? Have a flashback to this lecture when the cute boy sat in your row. It must have been because he thought you were cute.
11:30am: After having given up on stalking the cute boy on Facebook when all you know is one class he does at uni, go back to textbook. Read a bit. See some numbers in the textbook and get annoyed because you didn’t study marketing to look at numbers. Numbers suck.
1:00pm: Lunch is eaten, motivation is restored! Hurrah! Start making some mind maps using lots of different coloured pens.
2:00pm: Admire the mind maps. Open laptop to find a past exam. Netflix bookmark lingers in the corner, seductively winking.
2:01pm: Face moral dilemma.
2:02pm: Watching Mad Men is basically studying for marketing, right? It’s basically just as good as doing a past exam. Agree to watch only 20 minutes.
2:45pm: Do I want to be Don Draper, or married to Don Draper?
4:05pm: Back to work. It’s what Peggy would want. Or maybe I’m more of a Joan?
4:10pm: After taking the Buzzfeed ‘Which Mad Men Character Are You?’, it’s back to work. Open past exam.
4:15pm: Since when was this on the course????
4:20pm: What’s a consumer???
4:30pm: Does ‘student almost crying over past exams’ count as a market segment???
6:00pm: Finish past exam, only pausing to Google ‘jobs in advertising without a degree or any motivation to work’
8:00pm: Finish a luxurious dinner of Uber Eats burgers and fries. Tell your bank account that it will just have to accept that comfort food is more important than budgeting.
8:30pm: Go back to textbook. Glare at the textbook. It glares back.
8:35pm: Receive text from friend ‘wanna go out?’
8:41pm: ……………… reply ‘ok’